Day 7: Build a sand castle in front of the sea

“If you don’t stand for anything, you fall for everything.”

Can you think too highly of somebody?

Have you?

I have two friends that I thought would be one of the rarest kind of people on Earth. That each of them I thought of as a fun, yet intellectual; a playful, yet compassionate. They are both good listeners, good friends, and most of all, good people.

I like people that is good at heart. I value them. I want to be there and help them fight their battles. I want to support people who deserve happiness because they have my ultimate respect. It wasn’t hard to tell who is sincere and who isn’t.

But who am I to tell you? I’m the most stupid man alive. I fucked up with people and relationship. I just do. One of the two people mentioned was someone I found myself numb. I used to think of her as such a driven, sympathetic person, who, like me, enjoyed helping people. Hell, she helped me fight my battle. I suffered from depression since I lost a friend of mine. Two years ago, when suicidal thoughts surround me, she was the one who reached out and pulled me out of that abyss. She changed and we weren’t talking anymore but I believed her, her judgement and her maturity. I believed she cared.

Wrong way or not, I put effort into building a sand castle that would soon be wiped out by the violent waves. And it did. More violently than I even expected. It destroyed the relationship and devastated my beliefs as a person. She didn’t really care. She was tired of people and their stories. She was drained emotionally. She couldn’t handle the fact that people care, and some of them are quite trustworthy. I couldn’t blame her. I went through it, and still going through it. I appreciated the straight forwardness. And I have moved on since, knowing she’s not worth such high praises I always thought she would be.

The second one, whom I’m trying to build a friendship with, never really saved me from anything. I thought she was a good friend, someone I could trust. But she, ultimately, went through something herself, of which I still have no idea. She is mature. She is smart, logical, thoughtful. She is fun, relatable and spontaneous. But then a close friend of mine told me I think too highly of her. I paused.

Am I really?

Should I trust?

Should I continue to put effort?

Should I continue to seek to support her?

Does she deserve it?

She might. She might not. But this is the best thing I can do. I value who she is and believe that she is a good people at heart. I’m giving my effort. But I can be stupid, and this thing might just blow up in my face again. But I have to go on with my belief, my way of life and what I stand for.

                                                                                                                        Sincere,