Day 0: Happy New Year!

I was working on my book when I heard a booming sound outside the window. I glanced at the corner of my laptop and the number read 12:00. I realized I would miss the firework outside, but that’s okay.

I’m hesitating between writing a conclusion of 2015 or writing a new beginning for 2016. Guess I’ll do both then.

2015 was busy, like, real busy. It didn’t start off bad, at least. Except it did. Well I bombed the first calculus test and my family was panicking and wondered if I can handle the study here in the U.S. They never knew my ability, or I don’t think they care enough to know about it. They just see my transcript. If I get all As, great. If I don’t, well, I would usually have a long, meaningless conversation ending with me screaming down the hall.

Oh, in March, right before the Easter break, I had this enormous fight, if you can even call that, with the only person I ever know. I realized I’ve been too attached and it’s getting unhealthy and my life should not revolve around one person. The friendship left scars, but I grew. So that’s good.

Throughout the year, I constantly felt like I’m left out, that I’m alone, and that I don’t have people who care about me. I broke down a few times. I ran numerous miles. I forced myself to the weigh room to stop myself from thinking. I experienced dark times.

I lost many friends, but none was as impactful as the one I lost at the beginning of the year. Not only I was devastated but I questioned my identity and belief. I knew it was my fault and I am still sorry for it but at the same time it took a toll on me. I thought I couldn’t go through anything anymore, that I have been this evil figure all along.

But turn out I have people who care for me. I have people who want to talk to me, to find out who I am. I learned that I have to open up to people and not to protect myself anymore. I needed to take calculated risks to expose myself to let others in. I now have friends who I hope to keep in touch for life.

That’s what life brings to the table. A sour, bitter and sweet taste on our tongue is just what life wants us to experience. There have been times when I thought I can’t get up. There have been times when I thought I can’t get down. Happy or sad, I’ve embraced life as it is. The whole entire 2015 reminds me just that. I’m not alone. It’s also my job to ensure people I care about are not alone.

Life is rough, yet rewarding.

I hope nothing changes in the next year.

Happy New Year!