Day 10: Robots

"I'm always the one who loves more. That's my problem."

I’m seriously wishing I am a robot.

No emotion. No hurt feelings. No panic attack. No pain. No nothing.

Just doing what I was made to do.

Day by day.

Night by night.

And then one day I would come to the inevitable end.

A malfunctioning part.

A dead battery.

A damaged stacks of metals.

To end my life that would be routine as always.

Because life is much better without feelings.

That I can just know what I do next.

That I can expect what others want.

That I can help others without being suspected.

That I can save my soul from nights like these.

Nights when I just couldn’t get my head off what is so stupid yet so hurtful that my whole body starts falling apart. Nights when I allow myself to go back to my old archives and dig up everything that can hurt me. Nights when I surround myself with dark thoughts and depression. Nights when I feel nothing and no one, ever there.

Because robots are so much better, so much more predictable, so much more enviable.

Yet I can’t be a robot.

What?

When?

Where?

How?

…

…

Why?

                                                                                                                                       Love,