Day 34: Log off

I’m tired. I actually do not have an idea what I’m trying to say in this post. Maybe an update on life? What point am I trying to give you here?

You can certainly just log off. Like, I swear, there’s gonna be nothing useful for you in the next paragraph or two, or three or well, you get the point.

It’s just, I don’t know what it is. College has certainly been great. It’s being its usual awesome self. I wake up then go to class then bury myself somewhere, either classes or library til six, get dinner, then do homework. College keeps me busy. Am I satisfied? Not really, classes aren’t that hard. Not yet, anyways. The workload is fairly large, but I manage. College keeps me physically tired.

Which should means that I’m mentally and emotionally doing better. Like you know, once you exhaust yourself, you cannot exhaust it more than it already is. I was doing just fine, actually, and I feel good about it here. I have friends (?). I have people who want to know me. I have people who want to actually hang out with me. What is there for me to complain about?

Here, I suppose to write about my self-destructive side, which I will indefinitely write about in some future. But in reality, maybe nothing changes. I wanted to change so much the moment I get here, that it would be a new me, a happier, more talkative, however you call it. But I ended up in the same situation, in the same room I have been with the same me I was with before. I reverted back to the same person I myself hated, afraid to look into the mirror.

I know tomorrow is another day. I know there are people with worse problems. But please let me be in the darkness tonight.

I’m tired. Exhausted. Worn out.

Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.

Nothing has changed.

None.

I wish I can make you smile. I really do. That’s the only thing I want to do, to put a smile on your face.

I can’t even do that.

You deserve better.

I think everyone does.

                                                                                                                        Sincerely,

                                                                                                                        Denny