Day 54: Sorry for Yelling, now Let's hit the gym!

I swore I could have seen it coming, the feeling of powerless, of inevitability and of loss.

And then I realized it was just another day, just another typical panic attack that I would have.

Just another bad day, in a chain of bad days that will reign until the day I would die.

Everything was meaningless. Sometimes I would question, why is it so bad that we have to exist?

High school sucks.

People suck.

But most importantly, I suck.

It didn’t matter how much people were saying things to try to help me. They would try to comfort, saying things ranging from “everything is gonna be fine” to “you just need to let it go and relax” to “it will get better don’t worry about it”. After a while, they won’t even bother comforting. It didn’t matter. I was a kid who didn’t belong anywhere. I was fat and depressed and pitying myself for my past, leading to my pity in my presence which then repeat the cycle. I was just there, not doing anything, just being miserable.

And then everything changed.

Welcome to Mighty Kacy’s show.

My aunt was getting so mad, because I was yelling. The TV was yelling. My twitter was yelling. My brain was yelling. My eyes were yelling. My ears were yelling. My arms were yelling. My body was yelling. My heart was yelling.

Sorry for yelling, auntie.

Now let’s hit the gym.

If a 5’0 thirty years old woman can do this, there is no excuse for me not to be able to.

I can’t be like this.

I can be more.

I need to be more.

I was still being miserable, but now I was going to do something about it.

Just like Flip Rodriguez, who was sexually abused by his father, hid his emotions on and off the court, only to do this.

Or just like Michael Stanger, whose wife was diagnosed with terminal genetic disease and who has to change his whole life to be fit enough to carry his wife.

And there are so many more stories like this.

And I need to make my own story. But my story won’t be about how miserable I was, or how often I complain, or how my life sucks. My story will be how I will succeed and how I will be happy.

I can be more.

I will be more.

So, sorry for yelling.

Now let’s hit the gym.

                                                                                                      Best,

                                                                                                      Denny

P.S: American Ninja Warrior is actually a great show. It's full of people doing amazing things, and you can't help but root for them. Everybody loves an underdog.