Day 51

My Friendship Cover Letter

Good morning!

I have seen plenty of people in my life, and only a handful of those that I consider friends. Well, I am kinda picky to make new friends and share them secrets and all that. I am just not good at them. But I’m writing this so that you know what kind of person I am and some minor stuffs you may or may not to know.

First and foremost, if you’re expecting me to be a bubbly, energetic bunny who actively goes around and knock on doors on the first day to get to know other people, well, I have bad news for you. I am nothing like that, whatsoever. Hell, my first day here, my suitemate insisted on letting the door stay open and I almost have an anxiety attack from it. There might as well be a “Fuck off” written on my forehead, with my eyes into my phone or a book, or my ears plugged with some listening devices. I swear, I am trying my hardest to work on these things, but I will never, ever be that person who comes to you and act like we’ve been around forever.

But if you can ignore my “Fuck off”, you will hit another wall called “Deadly Silence”. This is the part where I don’t talk, even if you think you’re trying to be around and make friends with me. If we are hanging out in a group that just met, chances are I will not say a word. I do pay attention to what you say (I’m an awesome listener, as you would find out), just not actively saying anything if the conversation doesn’t come to me. Yes, I hear you, that’s selfish, blah blah blah, but that’s really just how I am. I don’t like the small talk, the part of “let’s discuss something superficial and try to establish some meaningless thing”. I mean, I can do that, but I dislike it and not very good at it anyways.

There are then, two ways to make me talk and become my friends. Either you don’t give up and keep being around me until the day I’m comfortable enough to talk, or you see me/I see you at a moment to realize that we can be friends.

I am an awesome friend, or I really think that I am. I am not perfect, and neither will you be. I will most likely annoy you, as I don’t have many connections but what I have, I’d like it to be deep and meaningful connections. I need you to let me know if I’m bothering you, because I don’t believe in hints in friends. If you can’t tell me that, I’m guessing we can’t be friends. Oh, and I know I am annoying, either bugging you to get dinner or lunch or do things or I can rant to you about everything and you will get tired of my self-pity. I’m working through my problems, always. I went through a period when I hid everything from everyone and that killed me, so I’m going to text you and talk to you about everything that I feel comfortable with. Some of which, you will not like. I promise you that. In addition, I have mood swings. MOOD SWINGS! – All capitals with an exclamation point. You will see. I will expect you to see me as my highs – hippy and bubbly and happy and jumpy and everything you want from a circus worker – to my lows – depressed and overwhelmed and anxious and nervous and everything you see at a mental institution. All I need you to know is that I’m fine, and you can help me.

I hold my friends to a high standard, because I hold myself to high standard as a friend. I’m hilarious, well, when I’m on my highs. I will make you laugh, not in the fake laugh way, but a “OH MY GOD I ALMOST CHOKE” way. Once I know about you, I will roast you and roast myself equally just to bring our problems and burn it away in the fire of darkness. I will make you better. I will go to parties with you at 2 am, then walk down the harbor with you at 4am and watch comedy with you at 6 in the morning. Fuck that, I will get up and buy you coffee and breakfast at 8. You’re going to be the first person that I think about when I get excited about something, and I will try to include you in everything that I can. I can help you feel better and bring you humility at the same time. You will never have to complain about me not putting in effort, because I value friendship over almost anything else.

Lastly, I guess I want to say that I am probably some of the more loyal person you will meet. I bring with me a lot of baggage, I know. You don’t have to tell me. I would hate that too. But just know, I can do everything for you. LMAO, I will happily die for you, like I would actually like you more if you kill me! I will tell you how stupid you are just to let you cry on my shoulder ten minutes later. I will listen to what you’re passionate about AND try to make that happen. If you need me, I will be there, whether it’s downtown Boston, Roxberry, Hyde Park, Cambridge, California, Portland or around the world. Trust me, I will be there!

You all know my number.

                                                                                                            Your friend,

                                                                                                            Denny